Show Me Your Particulars, Baby.

Shanniqua

The first woman I officially loved and dated, I met in a chatroom -clubgh.com- I think that’s what it was called. I was ‘Shining knight’ and she was ‘Shanniqua’. I had just conquered Presec Legon and she’d just finished Gey Hey. She lived in the same area I was born and grew up in. “Goodness God!” I thought, “this internet thing is good oh!”. It was in 2004, Zuckerberg was still brainstorming Facebook at the time.

 After a few weeks of chatting, we met. She. Was. Fiiiiiiinnnee! What a particulars. My friends were too busy being jealous to be happy for me. So fast forward a few years later, we’d broken up (as was the order of the immature days), and I got thinking…could I find another Shanniqua in a chatroom? So I went a-searching and started chatting this gerh bi.

Ann Marie

I had this format I used to help me decide early on if I was wasting my time or not. I’d say “So if I was drawing you right now, what can you tell me to get the most accurate picture of you. Slim, tall? Just guide me.” usually they’d fall for it.

That’s how I met Ann Marie. Herh! When I say 1, she’d say 2. When I pass here, she’ll pass there. Then I asked her the format question. She answered, “Look, if this is some smart way to figure out if i’m fine or not, don’t worry. i’m too hot to handle.”

Chaaaiii, deezz gerrhh don kee me finish! Wharraparticulars! herh. I knew I’d ‘met my meeter’. This could be the new Shanniqua. At that time too, no Facebook, no IG, no  filter. After some days, I found out she lived around Teshie-Nungua, not far from where my auntie lived. A visit to my aunt suddenly seemed long overdue ;-).

Face To Face

All this time, a still small voice was saying in my heart “Ben, be careful oo, hmm, not all that glitters is gold.”  I said “Sharrap derrr, this isn’t the voice of God. Cammon, get behind me!” So we arranged, that we’d meet at the A-Life taxi rank. So I got to A-Life, I called Ann Marie, she said she was coming. Her voice was spalala! Ah, then she called that she was there. I kept looking around, looking, looking, but I couldn’t see my expectation within the perimeter.

“Ann Marie? What are you wearing?”

“A black and white striped-“ Then I saw her, we were the only two people on phone around that place. I wanted to cut the line and put off the phone, but she’d already seen me. She smiled and started walking towards me. I swallowed hard. What a particulars! I felt tricked. “Why did she lie to me? What am I supposed to do now? Why?” All those were thoughts racing through my mind as she got closer. I was smiling. It was faker than a Gutti.

All of us are guilty

Fam, such trickery is still going on today oo, on a much larger scale. Filters have spoilt the thing koraa. Make up and body liners have made it worse. It’s hard to get a true impression of a person even by looking her in the eyes, because that one sef, she’s wearing green contacts. There’s such a disparity between the life we put out there and the life we live,  so it’s dangerous to get jealous by what you see on your timeline.

A DP is no more than the best outcome of several poses and numerous clicks. She’s not that glam you know, you just cant see the stretch marks from that angle. He’s not that rich you know, no picture can show what’s on loan and what’s owned. They do look like the perfect couple, but the pressure of your expectation is what’s keeping them together, not the bliss of love.

Yes, every picture she takes is against the backdrop of a different tourist landmark, but do you know the price she’s paying? Don’t let the photoshopped excerpt of someone’s life make you discontent with yours. Be inspired rather to dream big and chase the good life, but always make sure God is in the driver’s seat, otherwise you’ll end up with a fat account but envious of the peace those you look down on have.