From ‘Just kidding’ to ‘its over!’ -How?
I’ve heard that marriages have ended over toothpaste; husband squeezes from the middle, wife from the bottom, wahala, over. Cutlery recently ended another marriage. Hubby was put off when wife didn’t bring food with cutlery, wife couldn’t believe hubby couldn’t appreciate the effort she’d put into making food and rather focused on cutlery he could get himself also, wahala, over.
Toilet seats, too much salt, milk finishing too quickly have all ended marriages, but the chart topper is kelewele. Kelewele my bredas, kelewele ended a marriage in 2016. Hubby picks up wife after work. En route home, hubby stops by his favourite kelewele joint. He buys GHC 7 with GHC 2 groundnut. She’s not so hungry so doesn’t want one for herself, but he knew she’d pick at his, hence the GHC 7 instead of his standard GHC 5.
Home was around Spintex and traffic was constipated, so she held on to the kelewele and put some in his mouth every now and then. It was a good drive, good talk good kelewele…until there was no kelewele anymore. But it couldn’t be, he was counting, he’d had too little, it couldn’t be finished already! She’d apparently mouthed more than she gave him. He was fuming, she asked why he was so aggressive about food. It turned into something else, wahala, over.
It sounds like a joke till you’re in the heat of it, then suddenly all senses fly out of the window. I find that the ability to put things in perspective is vital virtue. Very often, you should be able to step outside yourself, say ‘hooll it!” then ask yourself whether what you’re going on and on about is worth it.
My Youki Story.
I’ll tell you a personal story.
There’s a drink in Abidjan called ‘Youki’, I love it! It’s like Muscatella meets coffee in a sensual way. Whenever I visit, I bring a pack. But I hadn’t been to Abidjan in a while, so I’d really missed it! A friend went over and brought me one 500ml bottle. JUST ONE. I was so emotional. This was nothing to waste on regular weekday thirst. My plan was to save it for Sunday after church.
When I took it home, I didn’t put it in the fridge, cabinet or anywhere it’ll be confused for ‘family food’. I hid it in my wardrobe, under some clothes. UNDER MY CLOTHES!! I came home from work, decided to check on it and it’s gone. GONE! The Mrs. was on the bed, smiling in my direction.
“What?” she asked
“My Youki!” My voice was shaky “It’s…it’s not here anymore.”
“Oh the drink that was there? I had it o. It was nice papa. What’s it called?”
My heart started sounding the beats in a Tekno track. She didn’t even dignify it with a name!
“But B! it was MY drink, MINE.”
“Ah, but isn’t what’s yours mine?”
“Not if it’s hiding under my clothes!”
“Isnt it a coffee drink? I’ll make some for you.”
“Honey, it’s not Gari Soakings!”
“What are you trying to say?”
I breathed in so deep. My eyes were teary. There wasn’t any in Ghana! I stormed off. Never before had it been so difficult to put things into perspective ‘It’s a drink in a bottle. She’s your wife. Ben. breathe in, breathe out.’ It was hard to let it go, but to hold on to what matters most, there must be a lot we are willing to let go.
It’s all in the mind
Our minds can be our best friends and our greatest enemies. They can feed us with a dozen memories to justify any stupidity we can conjure. We need to train ourselves to control it, even force it to feed us perspectives that salvage a situation, not savagely destroy it. You feel me?
Left unchecked, your mind will lead you places where only regret and cuss words will tuck you to bed. It’s not just about marriage, it’s true even in driving. Is the arrogant taxi driver worth it? In the grand scheme of who you are and the greatness ahead, is that annoying colleague worth your outburst?
Let’s ask God for the grace to put things into perspective before in the ‘effort to save our dignity’, we lose that which made us whole, happy or better. It’s never as big a deal as it seems. Would it still matter so much 5 years from today? Swallow the ego, pride, anger, childishness and let it go. Can you do that?
Originally posted in June, 2017
PS: I’m off to Abidjan in a couple of weeks and guess what i’m going to use all my 23kg luggage space for?
PSS: Leave a comment, I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to also share if you feel someone else would like this.